I have written a few “about” pages over the past year and have consistently deleted all of them. The fact was that as a creative poet, I had no idea who I was. My poetry never seemed to maintain a consistency over time, and I had no interest in dwelling too long in any one corner of my consciousness.
Of course, I could say the usual mundanities about myself. I am a soon to be divorced mother of two who spent half my life studying ancient languages and philosophy, and the other as a software engineer and researcher. Now, however, I am embarking upon a new life. I had left poetry behind many years ago, until about a year ago when I met someone who transformed my life violently and passionately in a way that would be hard to believe if I told anyone. And so I will not tell anyone. I will let the poems bear witness to that change and transformation. And so they do.
These poems are an emerging of my heart chakra, of an experience of love unlike any I have ever experienced before, a love that is only bettered by the love of God himself, because it is a love that has no reason, no justification, no practical foundation. It just is love and I am its devoted servant seeking to become its master.
But if you looked at my outer life and the evolution of my poems, it would seem that change and challenge is the only constant. But change is only observable from a fixed position in time and space, and the best place to stay fixed in time and space is in the heart space. Love is the only constant. The fluctuations that we experience, the emotional turbulence, the transformation of ideas and the general motion of life are just expressions of a love that wants to explore, to create, to experience, and to go back to itself again.
Love always loves you back. But you have to release all that is in the way first.
Love is the ocean that we are and it is always with us, ever moving and ever giving us sensations and impressions that we must release time and time again. For if we do not release them, we will become unable to float upon the surface of this vast sea, and will find ourselves sinking to the bottom that has no end, becoming heavy and heavier, and further from the sun that shines above reminding and calling us to turn back home.
So this poetry is a letting go, a releasing of what is heavy, an act of swimming with the currents of love that we all are. I am ever astounded and awestruck at the power and love of the divine and my beloved that is unfolding this life before my eyes, beyond my wildest expectations and dreams.
For it all began when I met him, the one who ever calls me in his sleep to remove the spiders, the snakes, the dark places, the fears and the anxieties , the ancestral curses and programming, the lies that have crippled both of us in our lives. I walk, before he ever begins to follow, into the subterranean underworld beneath that vast ocean of love, to place points of light and illumination so that when he finally gathers up the courage to go within, he will find the path easy and full of love, the waters of which that will lead him to his soul’s destiny.
But for now, every day and especially the nights are a hard spiritual journey from underworld to ocean and to light, but because I am filled with the love and grace of God, they are an uplifting, and inspiring experience that gives expression to my soul, my passion, and my beloved.
The poems, their music, are what heals, not because they are poems, but because they are written for and by love. They are love writing itself to itself, in the dark inspiring itself, in the desert nourishing itself, and in hopeless separation, giving itself hope and connection to its divine nature, life eternal.
So be it.
So it is.
”I will instruct thee briefly, why no dread
Hinders my entrance here. Those things alone
Are to be fear’d, whence evil may proceed,
None else, for none are terrible beside.
I am so fram’d by God, thanks to his grace!
That suff’rance of your misery
Touches me not, nor flame of that fierce fire
Assails me.”Dante, Inferno, Canto 2.